Dear Heartbroken Holly

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Dear Poppy, 

 

Here’s the tea: I recently got out of a relationship and my ex seemed to move on easily while I still cry myself to sleep every night. A few weeks after we broke up, they found someone new who is much better than me and they seem to be much happier. Yes, of course, I want my ex to be happy, even if it’s not with me, but I still love and care about them very much. I miss having them there for me, them holding me when I’m scared or upset, I miss how they made me feel, all the sweet and romantic things they did for me. I just wish that this was all a dream and that I would soon be waking up. I don’t want to cause drama for them at all, but I don’t know whether I should just ignore it and keep my feelings to myself or tell them and risk ruining things for them. Please help.

 

—  Heartbroken Holly

 

Dear Heartbroken Holly,

 

High school heartbreak is hard, and so was giving advice to this letter! Most of the newspaper staff is busy enough that we don’t have time to date, but we took the time to try and come up with the best response to this letter (sorry!). As much as it hurts, I’d like you to take a step back to look at the relationship without your emotions attached. High school is a hard time for students, as we all have our own struggles, and it’s even harder when you add someone else’s into the mix, especially when you’re young and it’s difficult to handle school, family, friendships, and relationships. You may feel really connected to this person, and they obviously felt the same for some time, but the relationship has come to end and you have parted ways. If you’re still really romantically invested in them and haven’t been able to get over them through distance, the problem may be the lack of conclusion. Consider reaching out to them and asking if you can talk, while making it clear that you don’t want to encroach on their new relationship. When you meet, explain that you want closure, and try to wrap up all the loose ties you may have in a civil matter. If you still have each other’s stuff, this is the best time to give it back! This should help you clear up doubts in your mind – that romantic endeavor is over, and you’re not clinging to ties of the relationship that was once there. Even if it’s been a while, this is the best route to take if you’re still hung up over them. 

 

As for your romantic interest in them, I have a spot of bad news: don’t try and express your current devotion to them when you meet up. You don’t want to interfere in the relationship that they’re forming; yours has ended and to insert yourself in that way would be inappropriate of you. Look at it this way, they’ve moved on, and now it’s your turn! Channel your loneliness into time spent with friends, and with loving yourself. You don’t need a partner to be self-confident or happy, and projecting that expectation that if you’re dating that person that you will be happy will just hurt both of you. You are your own woman, and you are more than good enough by yourself. Try to do things you enjoy for you. Yes, you may not have them anymore, but guess what? You still have yourself, with the growth you got from this experience, and that’s the most important thing. 

 

So, go meet up with some friends. Do things you’ve never done before. Keep your grades up, and make your options limitless for college, or your career, for the rest of your life. You’re going to find someone else. You are going to feel better. This relationship may seem like the best thing right now or the only thing you need, but actually, the best has yet to come. 

 

Sincerely, 

      Poppy <3

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