A few days ago, I found out that my ex is coming to this high school. He goes to a different high school, but he’s transferring here. To be honest with you, I’m not ready to see him. I tried my hardest to avoid him for all these months and he’s coming back. He didn’t harm me, it’s just that when you’re in a breakup, it takes time to recover, and for me, unfortunately, it’s still a little raw.
My ex and I were just middle schoolers when we dated. All my friends say that I shouldn’t worry about it since we were still kids. But it doesn’t feel that way for me. He was my first love, so it kind of hit me hard. I wish it didn’t however.
The thing is that he ended things on such short notice. He didn’t give me time to comprehend and think about it. He just left me there. It hurt me; a lot.
I don’t want him to affect my grades and extracurriculars. I’m just scared that he will. What can I do to prevent this, Poppy?
— Worried and Scared
Dear Worried and Scared,
I understand how difficult bouncing back from first relationships can be, as they are the first person that you’ve opened your heart to. You have to remember that now you aren’t the person you were when you had that relationship! My first heartbreak was in middle school, as immature as it sounds, and when I scroll through my ex’s Instagram, it still hurts. However, when I meet up with my ex now, I realize just how far I have come since that relationship, and how much I have matured. I’m a different person, and so is she, and when we talk I realize how much I value our relationship as friends. I came to the realization a few years ago that she never would have been happy long-term in a relationship with someone as antisocial as me. You have to recognize the changes that have occurred in both your environments and the personal growth you both have undergone. Catch up with him, but be clear and firm about the situation: that what he did hurt, and while you’re interested in how his life has been in, that maybe right now might not be the best place to pursue a deeper or friendlier relationship.
In the end, don’t let your history haunt you. You’re your own person, confident and competent, and he has no place in your mind if you don’t want him to be, or interfering with your work. If you find him too distracting, back off and involve yourself more with the things that you value now. You’ve got this! Good luck.